1st It’s hard…letting go literally feels impossible. At 20 I discovered love, he was my first everything. Time flies when you are incredibly happy, and just as fast as it...
PLAY – XAVIER (2014)
February 20th 2014
It’s hard…letting go literally feels impossible. At 20 I discovered love, he was my first everything. Time flies when you are incredibly happy, and just as fast as it can start it can end even quicker. 1st is a song about literally your first love, in my case he went from best friend then had the title of my husband and I knew we would spend the rest of our life together. We made life changes together, either way after ten months being broken up, I was still holding on to him tightly, after trying again twice, it reached a point where we both changed way too much and it felt like there was nothing left to hold on to. However sometimes change is good, and can bring the love of your life back home to your heart. No matter what he’ll always be around and he’ll always be my first, and no one can take that away from me. That’s what the song first is about. As a ballad I felt it was super cool to open up PLAY with this track picking up where X3 left off, because in many ways that’s what PLAY-XAVIER does.
What I’ve come to learn about myself is that, i’m sick of expectations. People expect me to follow the same trend as I always have and on this album I said “Fuck Expectations”. Ghost is split into three parts, there’s the first part which is a acapella cover of Beyonce’s “Pretty Hurts” which I think is self explanatory, and then there’s GHOST. Ghost is where I am in life with my music, it’s no longer just music, this album is apart of a bigger picture. I am a brand, I am my own brand and my own image, and I had to take control of it all, I had to take control of myself. Even with the way the album is presented you’ll see that control. It took me five years, but I am finally here. I don’t need anybody or any service to get my music out or a label.
There’s a part of “Ghost” that hits home for me every time I hear it “And the winner is Beyonce Knowles female pop vocalist” – Every time I hear that part, somethings click, the harsh reality of it is you can think you’re winning, and someone is always better than you. In this case Bey lets no one shine and rightfully so, she’s winning. I’m still trying to get there. That’s the reality of Ghost, I sometimes feel invisible to the world even with all my success because I’m no where near where she’s at.
At the end of the day however, I’m still human, and I remind myself of the fact that I still work a 9 to 5 to stay alive and that helps keep me humble.
Haunted, takes the album back to it’s concept. It takes me to a place of all my recent and past memories with my 1st. Dre. Wherever I go, wherever I be, those memories hunt me. It’s not a bad thing, just something to keep in mind.
I’ve become sexually liberated. It’s a beautiful feeling, it’s something about falling in love and having no insecurities that becomes a turn on. Just knowing that you naturally turn your man on without all the hair and makeup etc etc makes me appreciate a natural chemistry even more. That natural attraction. “Starstruck” is a Santigold original track. When I first heard the track it was on a show called “Mistresses” a show which I love. When I hear the track I go into this stripper mode and that mode is a mode in which I’ve indulge in. It’s a serious track, where you have to be ready to become erotic, I think. . . I KNOW I am and have become a very erotic person since turning 21 and it’s this very song that helps boost that and makes me bring my fantasies to life. Fuck a pole, that’s what your man is for.
“There’s something about sexual freedom and liberation that comes at a price, the price is power and not knowing how to control it” – When any relationship ends you find yourself doubting your self worth and beauty. Playground pretty much kicks those thoughts to the curb and takes on a very dramatic drug like stance on ex sex. I thought the track was playful and “Playground” is actually one of the legacy songs (first songs selected for the album originally). I refused to feel down, you just don’t go from being in love and being sexually addicted to one another to just not wanting each other at all. So I said “come play on my play ground daddy, I know you missin me stop that petty”. Men & women often let their egos get in the way of their happiness and what they truly want. Being able to own up to your physical attraction to your ex even when the relationship is no more can help relieve and ease your mind. Becoming friends with fucks is where the song eventually leads, basically boosting the fact that I’m better than any ass he’s gonna get. This is as good as it gets, and it only gets better.
Playground seeks to eliminate any further complications and just made the sex between two exes simple and enjoyable without all the emotions, but as the track progressives the sense of the song shows that’s a little difficult.
Come play. . .
DRUNK IN LOVE
“There are so many nights where I’m filthy when that liquor gets into me, no secret that we be all night”
I’ve definitely woke up in the bed room saying “How the how did this shit happen” – Look past the drinking and appreciate two beautiful bodies making love, drunk in love.
I LOVE HIS BIG BODY
Part of me, has definitely become so much more comfortable in my skin. I think that’s one of the best parts about this song, you can hear and feel the confidence. That’s love and nothing less. My first real drink I believe was with my first . . . how fitting.
“We be all night” -
“No I’m not no angel either but at least I’m trying. The key characteristics in my relationship is that opposites attract, sometimes things that are bad for each other match. Two negatives equal a positive. You’re no angel either baby, but at least you tryin, I know I drive you crazy but would you rather that I be a machine who doesn’t notice when you late or when you lyin, I love you even more than who I thought you were before”
It kills me when people in general act as if they don’t get horny. It’s a part of human nature, we as humans were created to reproduce. Dishonor is all about erotic sex with ones lover. Plain and simple. It’s a song of erotic and exotic submission made to turn on the dominate partner. I felt like in my personal life it was time for a change, so I made it. Dishonor is about sexual liberation pleasing your man, I had this fantasy of calling my boys over and we being able to have all our men in this in home theater, and they could smoke their blunts and have their drinks and we would put a show on for them. These are the types of acts that would normally be seen as extreme not giving a fuck will set you free and a little dishonor can make your life that much more sexy and freeing. It was simple, I took some of that acts from my bed room and incorporated my fantasy and created dishonor. Fuck expectations.
WOAH DERE DADDY WEAR IT OUT YOU FEEL MY GRIP BITCH
“I think we’ve all done things to make our partner jealous, but you need to know when to stop. That shit hurts.”
THESE BAD BOYZ
3:14 is possibly one of the most serious and demanding track on the album, it’s extremely personal to me. It’s an original piece by Jhene Aiko, that I re-wrote to give it a more personal definition, I even changed the track title from 3:16 to 3:14 to represent the the 4 letters in the word “PLAY” also because that’s the time I woke up nightly pondering my life of my first relationship. 3:14 is pretty much a song about a doomed relationship that seems to be never ending due to both parties not really letting go completely. It’s hard to let go, and this song picks up where “1st” leaves off and continues to tell the story of my love life. I’ve been in such a devastating dark place in my life with the ending of my first love, and it took a toll on my body, and my sanity and health, and that’s what I wanted the lyrics and the song to convey. It’s definitely one of the most personal songs on the album. It takes the listener who may have gone through a relationship like this to the edge, almost like contemplating life ending, because in many ways when you lose your love especially your first love it feels like your life is ending, like all that you know has been taken from you, and you no longer remember or know who you are. That happens when you start a new life with someone, and your worlds revolve around each other, it’s very easy to lose yourself in a serious relationship, especially when you plan on spending the rest of your life with that person. I found myself in a strange time and place, where I just couldn’t focus or be happy and our hands were constantly being taken by each other so that made it even harder to move on. The track was reproduced and the drums are really fitting for the album….in the end, you risk it all. If it doesn’t end well you wonder what you are living for. It’s like, what do you go back to if it ends……Love lost is a form of grieving. He’s all that I know.
A continuation of 3:14am – “Light Speed” is the most personal song I’ve ever recorded.
“Breakups will not define me”
“Yo Sex” is pretty much the make up sex song from hell. I feel like it’s going to get a lot of exs into trouble, and bring a lot of exs to the realization that they need each other in some type of way. When I wrote the song, I was venting from the physical distress my body was going through, I was mentally craving his big body.
“You are my ex but your sex relieves my stress” – That can be turned in to a positive, make up sex. It was the song that gave me the courage to put my relationship back together regardless of what I had to do. The idea of the song is that ex sex can be stress relieving and bring some type of happiness. However if it goes wrong, maybe another route should be taken and the sex should end.
At the end of the day I’ve hurt, and I’ve been hurt, I’ve learned so much and love conquers all.
Right now my goal in life is happiness, no matter what the cost and that’s what “PLAY – XAVIER” is all about.
I’ve made the choice and I’m ready to start living it out.
I wrote choices for all the guys who thought they would be my choice in the end.
I wrote choices for all the choices my family wanted me to make but I choice to be with the only man I love and did not choose what they wanted.
I wrote choices for all the lovers out there who can’t deiced on what man to pick and are having a hard time hurting one for the other. I’ve been in those shoes.
I wrote Choices because I chose to say FUCK EXPECTATIONS when I recorded this album.
When I started this project I had no clue it would turn out like this.
This is mine, and these songs represent my choices good or bad they are mine.
At the end of the day you have to ask yourself. . .
Are you happy with your choice???